Since I speak with many survivors, therapists and doctors, I have heard that EMDR therapy is a wise choice for those who have suffered trauma. As a matter of fact, when my case first became public, I was contacted by many practitioners of EMDR who urged me to try it as it would make a world of difference in the crippling fear and panic attacks that befall war veterans, victims of violence, childhood trauma, accident victims and even the grief-stricken. EMDR is not hypnosis, nor does it involve medication. It's been practiced for the last few decades and not even the experts know how it works; just that it does in an enormous percentage of patients. The problem for me was that I was encouraged not to engage in this form of therapy during times that I had to testify as it does shift or compromise the processing of the memory.
For those survivors of any trauma reading this, I will be beginning my EMDR next week. I am thoroughly excited about it, but of course there is some anticipatory anxiety. It involves eye movement desensitization using lights, sounds and touch. In other words, you look at a pulsating light while moving your eyes back and forth, listening to repetitive sounds and you tell your story. For some reason, this affects the amigdyla, the part of the brain that holds onto painful memories and has to do with the well-known "fight or flight" response. A therapist guides you safely back to the most painful place, whereupon you work on processing it as something less dangerous, harmful and painful. The therapist then guides you back to a "safe" place and the memory is still there, but does not affect your daily existence.
As in many therapies, sometimes you must feel worse to feel better. Some patients experience flashbacks and nightmares during the treatment cycle; some find an overwhelming feeling of peace immediately. Each patient is unique - you just need to hang in and hold on.
I've purposely not done any real research on it, so as to remain open to the possibilities. Has anyone out there tried EMDR? If so, let me know about your experience. If our foundation can fund more research into this area, we'd like to help.
PS - be at peace with yourself today. Don't let small-minded folks use your pain to sell papers.
3 comments:
Liz,
I just had the chance to read over your blog and see your comments on EMDR.
I actually did EMDR after all my whole legal situation. I was so traumatized by not just the event itself, but of all the legal hoopola I went through with lawyers and DA's with wire taps ducktaped to my chest where I confronted the rat bastard in star bucks, controlled phone calls, and all the other crazy crap they had me do, that I developed a very severe case of PTSD, most specifically, a very bad case of exaggerated startle response.
It became so bad, that it was becoming a safety hazard. I'd be in my work kitchen, or even my own kitchen, making tea or cooking and someone would come up to me asking me something, or my phone or buzzer would ring in my apartment, and WHAM! The tea would go every where, whatever I was moving from my oven would drop. I was burning myself or cutting myself constantly- and not on purpose. Everyone around me from my co-workers to other people who did not know my background surely thought I as insane. It was humiliating and embarassing. I felt like the biggest freak show on planet Earth.
After seeing a zillion cuts, burns, and bruises on me from this wretched bitch of a condition to live with, my therapist convinced me to go to a colleague of his who is an EMDR specialist.
Your description of it is exactly how it works- the eye movement with the pulsing light as you tell your story.
I was extremely aprehensive about it because going to someone I did not know well and having to relive my worst nightmare twice terrified me, but I forced myself to do it.
I don't think there's a whole lot of research on there about why it works, but the theory as you said is that the process desentizes you to your tramatic experience, can often help recover burried memories, and lessens the symptoms of PTSD that often debilitate us on a daily basis.
For me, I found it to be very helpful. It didn't make everything go away, but I definitely found that it did make me somewhat calmer, and I guess the best way to put it- a little less jerky when I still startle.
I don't think the pain of something like rape ever really leaves you, but I think that the EMDR therapy process can help to make PTSD symptoms more bearable.
Hope this helps and it all goes well for you.
All my best,
Michele
Michele - all I can say on these eve of the rapist's release is "thank you". You give me a hope I had not had before. I am so sorry for your experience and so grateful for your journey to healing. I, too, have PTSD - God help the person who makes a loud noise near me.
Thank you for giving me faith, hope and yes, love.
Warmly, Liz
Your welcome, glad I could be of help.
I am sure that it will be very tough for you tomorrow, but my prayers are with you. I read he was getting out. It's not fair, believe me I know. It royally sucks.
But I am relieved to know that there are people like you out there who work so hard for us survivors at getting our voices heard. Politicians are useless.
I'd love to help volunteer for you if you could use it. I live in Manhattan, but my parents are in Westport where I grew up, so I'm not that far.
God Bless, and I hope with the support of your family you get through tomorrow a minute at a time.
Warmly,
Michele
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