I don't usually have the bandwidth to blog regularly, nor do I have any readers - it's just something I do while waiting for my foundation website to be fixed. But I also enjoy talking about things besides the obvious case surrounding Mr. Beebe. There are days, even weeks where I am lulled into a sense of security and then - wham! - there's another twist in the case.
Today, I received something in the mail from Paul Garrett's office. It's a receipt for expenses incurred while traveling to Charlottesville in March, stating how much the Commonwealth owes me. That took 5 months to sign? Good grief. No wonder city politics are so convoluted. It occurred to me that Mr. Beebe will be out of jail before I am even reimbursed and that made me laugh a bit. I honestly don't care anymore. And for those people who think this is fun, try being raped. Those people probably blame Michael Vick's dogs, but, oh wait - they can't speak for themselves. This is not what I do or who I am. It's simply the "right now".
Anyway, today was wonderful - it was my little girl's first day of Kindergarten. Nothing made me more proud or happy than to walk up the steps of her new school and see how excited she was. If ever I seem angry or sad it's that this waste of a human took close to 2 years of our time; time that Michael and I cherish with Ava and each other.
I am sure those hurtful bloggers out there don't realize what they say and how it affects us - calling someone a "whore" or a "crackpot" is nice when you can hide behind a wall of anonymity. Perhaps if these people tried to hold together a family and remain normal under extraordinary circumstances, they would not be so disrespectful. We love our family life and that is our priority. Not one of these people has any earthly idea of the things we know as a family and how deep, convoluted and evil this case has been. Not a one. One day, the truth will come out. Maybe people will not be so skittish around rape survivors and not side with a narcissistic criminal who changed my life drastically not once, but twice.
Be well, be good to each other. Don't judge if you don't know.
8 comments:
Dear Mrs. Seccuro,
I didn't know you had a blog until recently. But When I saw it, I wanted to let you know how much I admire everything you have done for survivors, and that I have just had the opportunity to read your blog.
I struggle everyday with what happened to me and the injustices of how the law treated me in my own rape investigation with Manhattan SVU.
I wish I had a detective as sensitive to me as the one Mariska plays on TV at the time of my own legal nightmare, but I've pretty much given up on making sense of anything in the criminal judicial system. It's like the Scream that no one hears.
August 30th is the anniversary of my own rape and I dread waking up tomorrow.
When I saw you and your husband on Dateline almost two years ago, it moved me to tears.
It gave me such encouragement to see someone who has been dragged through the muck and the mud to still be able to go on and date, and find such a compassionate man by her side who supports her and go on to have her own family.
Ava is beautiful and congrats on her first day of Kindergarten.
I just wanted you to know that you do have readers and that I have followed your case for awhile, and I have great respect for everything you have done to raise awareness for rape survivors. I think you are si amazing.
I write quite a bit too to clear my head and was a creative writing major. Writing and expressing myself often helps me to make a bad day go smoother for me.
There are some really ignorant people in this world who simply do not understand the devastation that sexual assault reeks on a person. I share your frustrations with law enforcement more than you know.
But if there is one thing I have learned, it is that through the support of my family, my faith, and some very kind friends, healing is possible.
I commend you for everything you have done, and I'd really like to help you in any way I can to raise awareness of the horrific trauma of rape, even if that means coming forward myself. Because as you said on Dateline, "If I stay silent, nothing will change."
All my best to You, Mike, and Ava.
Michele
Michele:
Your graciousness and sincerity moved me so much this morning. I want you to know I am thinking of you today - the anniversary is always very difficult. To this day, my day planners are marked in red Sharpie with a big letter "R" - it reminds me to hang on, be kind to myself, ask for help when I need it.
What folks cannot seem to grasp is that you can advocate for change publicly (which does indeed suck, but the politicians are certainly not going to do it) whilst healing privately. This is why so many survivors do not ever report the crime, because of the ignorance of hurtful people. Of course, the Nifong debacle did nothing to help us.
You seem very together, despite the injustices against you - the rape itself is horrific, but the criminal justice system really does a number, doesn't it! I know you are surrounding by your love of family, friends and faith. But I wanted to thank you for your post and know that what I do today, I do for you. Thanks for everything. Know that you changed my day drastically!
My warmest regards, L
Dear Liz,
I just wanted to let you know that I was very moved by your note to me.
It really made this difficult day for me more bearable to hear from you.
All I can say is that the legal system SUCKS. Don't even get me started with Nifong. My only reaction to that scandal is who will believe us now?
I admire everything you are doing for us. You are an angel!
Warmest regards, Michele
Hey Michele - just hang in and hang on. Don't allow the system, or lack thereof compound the trauma. xo L
Dear Mrs. Seccuro,
I learned about the terrible thing that happened to you on the Dateline show and also in The Hook article and the Associated Press article by Kristen Gelineau.
First of all, I am deeply sorry for what happened to you. I can't even begin to imagine the physical and emotional pain and suffering you've experienced, first from the rape itself, and then from receiving that letter from Will Beebe that reopened latent, but powerful, emotional wounds.
And to make matters worse, to find out that you were not just raped, but gang-raped.
And not to mention the devastating affect all of this has had on your parents and husband. How are they holding up?
If it is any comfort or consolation, I'd like to say this: you said in the Dateline show that you had a very happy and safe childhood. This is no doubt thanks to your parents, and I have no doubt that you will give the same happy and safe childhood to your daughter that your parents gave to you.
Take care.
Mario Hernandez
San Diego, California
Dear Mrs. Securro,
I forgot to mention in my previous message that, while I was not surprised to find that there is sympathy for Will Beebe by some people, I was very much surprised to find that there is outright hostility--and even vitriol--toward *you* by some people, which I don't understand at all, except perhaps to the extent that these people believe that you are being too harsh and unforgiving toward Mr. Beebe, given that he came forward and asked you for forgiveness.
I myself do not think you are being too harsh: if, hypothetically speaking, Will Beebe had committed child molestation, and, twenty years later, the victim, now an adult, sought to bring him to justice and hold him accountable in the criminal justice system, would these same people be hostile toward the child molestation victim, even Mr. Beebe came forward and admitted the molestation? Probably not, which is why I don't understand why those people are so hostile toward you, because, in my opinion, rape and child molestation are both equally immoral heinous crimes.
Needless to say, I hope the other men who raped you are brought to justice as well.
Again, take care.
Mario Hernandez
San Diego, California
Dear Mario:
Your comments were so very insightful and poignant - you are obviously a caring and lovely human being. Most of the mail we receive at the foundation is indeed from men - parents, husbands, male survivors, etc. I have never meant for this fight to be against men - just one (well, three). This is not about hate, but healing.
My darling husband struggled a great deal professionally and personally when this became public - the Court leaked out my name before I had a chance to figure out what was going on and the media besieged us. There's no road map for this that someone hands you. We decided to come out strong and in front of it and, with our minds and hearts always focused on voiceless survivors, to send a message that rape (with or without an apology) is not legal.
I have a dear friend whose rapist was recently sentenced to 50 years in prison. During the rape, her rapist repeatedly apologized. So, people make much more of this "apology" aspect. It's bosh. Rape is a crime against humanity.
My parents have been so supportive through it all - even though my mother is wheelchair bound as of recently and my dad just came out of cancer treatment. He is currently in remission and they enjoy every moment with their granddaughter.
Yes, some sympathy should be extended to William Beebe on the face of it. But the media has never fully reported all of the subterfuge. He is not what he seems to be.
To that point, there was a murder in my neck of the woods not long ago committed by a young man who I grew up with, a young man named Paul Cox. He admitted to the slaughtering of an innocent couple in their bed (his childhood home)during an alcohol-induced blackout. He admitted this only to his AA group. When the DA, Jeannine Pirro, was finally able to get an arrest warrant, there was a huge outcry from the sobriety community that Paul should have been left alone to atone on his own and not answer to criminal charges. Sound familiar?
So you see, I understand the vitriol, but have learned to ignore it and/or laugh at it as it does have a profound effect if you expose yourself too much to it. Naysayers have no real idea about what is being accomplished by this case.
I wanted to thank you so very much for making me smile today. I know you understand and that goes a long way towards my healing, which is a difficult process in light of the last two years.
May you and your family have a wonderful Labor Day weekend. Keep in touch.
Best, L
Liz,
Thank you very much for your very kind words. Coming from you, that's quite a compliment. I'm glad my message made you smile.
Yes, I would like to keep in touch, with your permission of course.
I'm very sorry to hear of your parents' health problems. Needless to say, I wish your dad a full and speedy recovery from cancer. Of course, I saw him on the Dateline segment, and he struck me as being a good and kind person in general, and as a loving and devoted father in particular. I hope your parents didn't feel any guilt for "failing" to protect you from harm when they found out about the rape, as parents often do when their children are harmed.
I noticed that your STARS website is currently under construction. Do you know when it will be operational again? And what has become of your plan to set up "surf camps" for survivors, which I think is a great idea. I ask because I was interested in making a donation to either or both.
I have a question that I've always wondered about: you said in the Dateline piece that you felt shame and that you blamed yourself for the rape. Why is that? I'v never understood why the victims of sexual crimes such as rape or child molestation feel shame or guilt or why they blame themselves. What is it about *sexual* crimes that causes its victims to feel this way? After all, victims of other crimes, such as robbery, don't feel shame or guilt. Did you initially feel that you "lead him on" in some way or that, on some level, you "deserved" it? I hope not, because the *only* person who should have felt guilt or shame for the rape is Will Beebe, not you.
I hope you're having a great Labor Day Holiday with your family.
Warmest regards,
Mario Hernandez
San Diego, California
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