Yesterday, I was told we cannot arrest the Other Two as of yet as well, you know, prosecutors like to try cases they can win. Needless to say, we're not happy about this as everyone involved from the Police to the prosecutors to the perps themselves knows what happened. Proving it is entirely different.
So on this day of celebrating our nation's independence, there are two rapists out there celebrating their own freedom without the spectre of prison. William Beebe, not so much. One out three isn't too bad.
So on this day of celebrating our nation's independence, there are two rapists out there celebrating their own freedom without the spectre of prison. William Beebe, not so much. One out three isn't too bad.
Be well.
7 comments:
First, Thank you.
I watched your segment on Confessions of a Dangerous Minds last week and I could relate on so many levels.
My husband and I moved to Kaua'i one year ago last May. Four days later I was drugged and raped.
I moved to Hawai'i with the dream of mobilizing an effort to organize the first Ocean Olympics.
When you ended the segment talking about surfing, I knew I had to contact you. After the rape, the ocean embraced me and helped me to heal. It continues to heal and the spirit of this island has taught me so much.
And listening to you talk story (your story) you tell "HerStory"
Again, Thank you.
Hi Liz,
I've read and seen your story and I, too, want to say thank you.
That really sucks that the DA won't charge the other two perps yet. I feel for you, sister!
You have really inspired me. I live in Texas, where a new law (a version of Jessica's Law) was recently passed, as you may already be aware.
The new law now extends the statute of limitations on sexual crimes committed against children under 17 to 20 years. I was 14 at the time of my attack and it was 19 years ago, so I can now charge my attacker. (The previous statute of limitations was 8 years, I believe).
I wasn't ready by the time the statute expired the first time to take action against my attacker, but now I am. I have pretty much always had an idea where he lived because of contacts we still have in common. He was a high school teacher last I heard!
I simply cannot allow him to be around young girls all the time without trying to do something about it. The worst part is that I know I wasn't the only one: the only people I felt comfortable confiding in at the time were other girls my age. One of them told me he had raped her the previous year.
I also have a partial witness to the crime (he saw part of the attack) who is still a very good friend (my daughter's godfather, in fact). He tried to stop the attack, but was too drunk to do so effectively. Also, the sheer size of the boy dwarfed my friend. (Yes, I, too, was attacked at a party with drunk young men everywhere.) Like you, though, I know that alcohol doesn't rape people--you are right--people rape people!
Something else we have in common...my attacker apologized to me a couple weeks or so after the crime. It was verbal, and I just sort of nodded. What in heck did he expect me to say when he had just robbed me of my innocence?
I feel, like you, that we need to prosecute these guys regardless of their apologies. We have to do it for our daughters and for all the other women out there who might be attacked. The rapists shouldn't feel that they can get away with just an apology, either.
Anyway, I think I have a strong case, but need some encouragement and advice. I would also like to donate to STARS, but your website is down. Please contact me.
Thank you so much for your courageous stand.
Hi Liz. I've followed your story on TV as well. I can't quite imagine what you've been through, or how I'd act in the same situation.
Forgive my presumption, but I'd like to comment here on what I do know, in case anyone from AA comes here. I've been sober 19 years and have worked the steps. Some thoughts on Step Nine:
1. Step Nine does not give you carte blance to contact people. If you're a rapist, do not contact your victim at her home address. To a victim, it feels like a massive invasion of privacy, because guess what? It is. Think about it. You're a rapist. Now you've just told your victim you the rapist knows where she lives. Not only that, you probably cyber-stalked her to get the address, and she's sure gonna wonder about that. That's the message the letter sends merely by showing up in her mailbox. You've violated her once; the letter violates her again.
2. Step Nine does not permit you to make things worse for others so that you can ease your conscience. Did you get drunk and sleep with your best friend's wife? Guess what: You can't damage their marriage so that you can feel better about yourself. Some burdens you just have to flat-out carry. In fact, part of your penance is to carry that burden, quietly, without complaining. If it's too much and you want to whine about it, find a therapist.
3. Unless you can really empathize with others, that is, really put yourself in their shoes, don't even try to attempt Step Nine with that person. That state of empathy takes a long time for an alcoholic, maybe a couple of decades. Any attempt at minimizing, or bad motivations, will be obvious. And piss the victim off.
4. Whenever you do Step Nine, do not give the victim the problem of justice. For example, don't say, "I'll do anything you want to make up for it." Why not? Because you've just made justice her problem, not yours. It's not her job to come up with the 12 labors of Hercules for you. It's not her job how to figure out how to make things right. It's yours.
5. You will not "get drunk" if you fail to do Step Nine. While AA has a lot of great things about it, there's this underlying belief that unless you do all the steps, you'll get drunk again. it's not true. That's an excuse people use. The only step you need to do perfectly is Step One. Do the first five steps -- that is, clean up, do your moral inventory. Then cope.
6. You may have done things while drinking that are felonies, for which the statute of limitations have not run out. You have to make a choice: Do you do your time -- or not? Follow your conscience. If your conscience tells you that the solution is to live your new life best you can, to do good, then do that. If your conscience tells you that you have to pay for your crimes, then do the following:
A. Contact a defense lawyer.
B. You and your attorney go down to the police station together. Because you know what? The police are interested in hearing about your crimes. If you turn yourself in for a 20-year-old rape, the police will be interested in hearing about it.
C. Think about your accomplices. Are you going to send others to jail to ease your conscience? It depends on the situation.
D. Guess what? The justice system provides a time for criminals to apologize to their victims. Usually, it's right before sentencing.
Would you agree with any of this, Liz? Suppose you'd heard from the Charlottesville police one day, told that your rapist had turned himself in and confessed, was filled with tearful remorse, and wanted an opportunity to apologize before sentencing. Not only that, but it gives the victim a choice to hear it, some sense of control that you denied her during the crime.
Liz, do you agree with any of this? I suspect if something like this advice had been followed, you wouldn't have been hurt as bad the second time around.
My two cents. Best regards.
I totally agree with comment poster Bill. Thank you so much for your comments. They saved me today.
And yes, STARS is back - www.starssurvivors.org is currently back under construction after we were (lovely) defrauded by our old webmaster. Hey - when it rains, it pours.
For Bill:
My EMDR therapist is also a licensed substance abuse counselor and he totally agrees with you and the Steps. In my opinion, Mr. Beebe misused a perfectly wonderful organization for his own selfish needs. AA should not ever be excoriated because of his actions!
My best, Liz
I just saw the msnbc show and I was saddened and slightly horrified by what I saw. When I saw that you had received a letter of apology, I was expecting to hear that you had become friends or something and you had both created an organization attempting to educate people on campus sexual misconduct. Instead I read a tale of revenge and hate. Forgiveness is hard, but it is a much higher road than revenge/retribution.
By the way, I haven't been able to find the whole story of what happened. There is now mention of other people participating but I can't find your full accounting of what happened or Beebe's response to your account. On tv, it was just about his actions, which were only loosely defined.
Either way, have you ever tried to forgive him. Your words on TV all seemed about anger and punishment. Is that the best way to proceed. Is that what you will teach your daughter? If someone does something to you, make sure they get punished for it? Millions of people are horrifically wronged every day. If they all dedicated their lives to what happened to them, there wouldn't be much else going on in the world. At some point is it not possible to find something to be thankful for in your life that supersedes this event of 22 years ago. Can anything ever make right what was done? Fred Goldman spends his waking hours trying to get money from OJ, and doing TV interviews. Does that type of thing actually help? I can't walk in your shoes, but I do know that when bad things have happened to me, moving on is the only thing to do.
Hi, Dgreener:
Yes, forgiveness is indeed hard, but I forgave him eons ago. That the network chose not to focus on that is tragic, but it's not the story. I understand why the "Letter" is interesting. However, I would never suggest to anyone else that they, too, forgive. Victims of violent crime live in a sort of vacuum - there's no guide book on how to act and people are criticized if they a) are too mad, b) aren't made enough, c) cry, d) don't cry. We see it every day. It was my path, because I cannot live that way, with anger in my heart. I couldn't be happy and raise my child if I hadn't forgiven. But if I had not, that would be my right as well. We're talking about rape. This was taped about one month after the arrest and yes, my emotions were still raw.
On the flip side, forgiveness has nothing to do with the law. I never chose to be raped and certainly didn't choose for this man (a stranger to me - so imagine my shock at the suggestion we had become friends?????? Who on Earth would befriend their rapist?) to write to me. It's about control, and making one's self feel better.
Fred Goldman spends his days looking for that money because that is what the court ordered and OJ is hiding it. His son was taken from him.
As for me, I've decided to turn this into a passion for advocacy because I am still shocked at the number of people who think Beebe should get a free pass because of his "apology". I know neighbors who won't forgive one another because of an argument over a dogwood tree. I have friends who cannot forgive a spouse for cheating on them. It's not MY place to tell them what to do. There is no road map for this.
The whole story is indeed in the court documents. I didn't allege the gang rape, it was discovered before trial. As I was unconscious, I can never testify to it. But it exists - and if you do a little research, it was the Prosecutor who introduced it. I was told on November 9, 2006 about that detail, which I had already had snippets of memory regarding. NBC must edit and make "good television". I'm not saying it's right, but if and when these people are ever brought to justice, then it will be news again.
Blaming the victim does nothing in this case. It only reinforces my drive to help keep the awareness there and raise funds to help others and their families get the proper treatment in the system. This year has dealt many blows to rape survivors - the Nifong debacle really set us back.
I cannot change what happened to me or to the many others whose tragic stories I hear from. I can, however, change some public perception by allowing my name to be public. Obviously, seeing a real live rape survivor makes some folks a little uncomfortable.
I'll say it again: "In life, pain is inevitable; suffering is optional." Words to live by. I choose not to suffer, but to build something.
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