I have to say - and this was taped mere weeks after arrest of William Beebe - that I don't even look like me or sound like myself - I sure don't have that sort of desperate fight in me anymore. How raw and alien my world must have seemed. I can tell I'm struggling to be heard, to fight; to explain for all crime survivors that sometimes the interviewer's questions have such obvious answers. I can see the real me in there somewhere, but my normal smiling, gentle self who loves to be around friends and family is gone. It's a ghost town - I look a bit shell-shocked.
Man - I do NOT for one moment regret shedding a light on the story of sexual assault, lies, corruption, justice and the system, but it's hard to watch. It's not the person I am; it's the shell of someone who has been recently hurt and it's affecting her family and she doesn't know what end of the ocean she's swimming in. Of course, I can say this 2 years after when the case is (almost) over. It's like watching the face of dis-ease (a made up word?), or unease of all survivors, I suppose. I take that back - it is indeed me; just the me of that moment.
Um, unintentionally hilarious note: Beebe cannot pronounce my name. His attorney cannot spell my name. Dammit! That just shows a) not too much intellect, b) such lack of respect. Just sayin'.
In the end, this is and was always a story so many of us have, a bridge of pain and redemption that forms a somewhat beautiful chain we all hold onto. A human rights story and that's why it's compelling, I think.
Ah, yes, took a terrible blogging break to go on pseudo bedrest and get a new laptop for the inevitable time spent on my left side. My trusty iMac finally passed on. New spring green Dell, I heart you.
3 comments:
liz,
it just goes to show how much you've emotionally healed since then!
mario
I saw your Dateline interview for the first time yesterday. I cannot properly describe the way it made me feel. I was so moved, I stayed up and when it came one two hours later, I watched it again. I was up until 2:00 in the morning, just listening to your words and your strength and feeling my own pain.
I, too, was sexually abused, by a classmate when I was 12 years old. It was reported for me by a friend, and I was forced to recount the abuse in a cold room on a hard plastic chair to the assistant principle and a police officer, both male, and both of whom did nothing. No one asked me how I felt, or if I was okay. His punishment was having to call his mother and tell her what he'd done. I was devastated by what he did to me, and I have never been the same. It's been 12 years and I haven't been able to trust a man since that time. I can't have a relationship, and I can't go through life without the memories of that time. It destroyed my life. Your courage and strength inspire me. I can only hope that one day I have the chance to tell my abuser how what he did, what he probably never thinks about, broke me and ruined my life.
Thank you, Liz. Thank you for being so strong and so brave, and for not staying silent when it counted.
-Erin
Ashtin,
I saw the th dateline interview also and I was sexually abused by someone who I considered to be a friend.After that I always thought of my self as damaged goods and my life was turned up side down but....
When I saw Liz talking about here story that when I started to see the light of the end of the tunnel and I most say she has inspired me to keep fight and one day I will be great as her!!!!
Liz
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