OK, so here's a first (and also an answer to the "do you have panic attacks anymore?" question). Yes, I do. Having one right now; so I figured I'd blog it away. For those survivors reading and those who love them, PTSD and panic attacks from it are devastating. Some folks have full-blown panic disorder, some have generalized anxiety disorder. The trigger can be something known to the sufferer (like a crowded subway car, driving over a bridge), or, like me, be triggered by nothing at all. Woke up, threw on cargo pants and flip-flops (er, it's 51 degrees!), swiped on some lipgloss, got Ava ready for school and headed to the office. Got my iced tea, took vitamins, paid some bills, answered phone calls and email and WHAMMO! Like a freight train. Here goes:
-rapid rapid heartbeat and intense fear (that's my big one)
-feeling of doom
-sweaty and/or cold
-flushed feeling
-gastrointestinal discomfort
-"choking" sensation
-cannot breathe deeply
-need to escape (from room, building, your own clothing, your own skin)
-chest pain
Those are mine. I have been on .5mg Klonopin 3x day for about 19 years as I have the disorder. It waxes and wanes. One mg Xanax in crisis. There: full disclosure. As I am pregnant, this puts a bit of a wrinkle in it. When it's a bad one, the docs suggest I take it as my heart rate gets too high for the baby and there's no evidence that benzodiazepines harm unborn children if taken rarely. The guilt is overwhelming. What caused it? Too much work? Too much "perfect" as my therapist says?
I wanted to share it with you real-time as it was happening so you would all know that it's normal and you won't die. Here's how I cope:
-surfing (cannot do that now)
-my noise machine (has rain forest, ocean, chimes)
-meditation podcasts from iTunes
-Rescue Remedy herbal elixir from Whole Foods
-calcium and extra B-12 - helps calm you
-some protein - roll up some turkey around lowfat string cheese
-scream and punch a pillow (if alone)
-get low to the ground and try to feel connected to the Earth, "grounded"
-picture a safe haven in your mind; mine is a cloud with my favorite blanket
-FOCUS on the mundane; list the Presidents, your favorite artists, etc.
-have a "panic buddy" call tree - I DO. They love you and want to help!
-place lavender essential oils on your temples and breathe deeply
-if you are with a child, engage them; it helps. You don't want them scared.
-surf funny blogs - laughter can help. I go to Dlisted or Gawker.
A panic attack can last 5 minutes or hours. You won't die. Trust me, I've had about 900 of them and I've even called 911 a few times - if you do have a prescription, use it responsibly and when the doctor tells you to. It feels like hell, like you're going crazy or having a heart attack. You aren't.
Now that I have finished this post, on the floor, listening to ocean waves and surrounded by lavender candles, I am calm. See? It's over. What were my triggers? Probably too much crime blogging, not enough protein this morning,a sneak peek at a certain someone's sex offender registry profile and a talk with my agent about a speaking engagement that means a lot to me. My life is blessed, but even good stress can trigger it. Oh, and I should not have had an iced tea. What was I thinking???? Thank you all for listening. Please share your tips and stories. I am here to listen and help.
PS - enjoy the LOLcat. That's how I felt.
3 comments:
I hate panic attacks. There's no worse feeling. Life is closing in on your and there's little you can do to stop it. Luckily, I rarely have them anymore since I moved to FL.
When I do get them, my biggest symptom is not being able to breathe. It feels like no matter how deeply you breathe, you can't get enough air. Like your chest is contricting and you're suffocation. It's a horrible feeling. They are usually tiggered by stress, claustrophobia, too much commotion, too much noise, or a loud sudden noise (like the one I had at work because my coworker slammed his fist on his desk and suddenly I couldn't breathe).
Full Disclosure: I've been taking 15 mg of Paxil every day for about five years now. I started taking it for my depression, I didn't really realize how much anxiety I had until it got better. I have no idea how I survived for so long with the way I was feeling. I'll probably be taking the medication for the rest of my life. I'm afraid to know what would happen if I stopped.
I feel you. I really do. I'll be sending calming thoughts your way today. Love to you.
xx,
Erin
Liz, Erin,
I too suffer from panic attacks- along with the other unpleanstries of nightmares and flashbacks.
I have a very severe case of exaggarated startle response, where as I have told Liz in the past, depending upon the slightest sudden loud noise, I have unintentionally injured myself from shock depending upon the nature of the activity I was engaged in at the time of the noise- be it making tea or chopping onions.
It's really awful. I too take Kolonipin- 1mg, plus zolft for my depression. Both help to take the edge off, but they don't erase the waves of terror that often rush over me.
I have found a few things helpful depending where I am.
At home, playing my sound of Music DVD- who is more comforting than Julie Andrews?
Stomping my feet on the floor to remember where I am.
Grabbing my favorite body lotion and rubbing my skin with it to get in touch with my body.
Not at home or out in public, that's tough. My rosary beads, my book, 1400 thousand things to be happy about which I carry around with me everywhere, and my # 1 thing I can not be on a subway or shrinks/dr.'s office without... My knitting needles!
Love to you both and hope this helps.
Michele
Where was I? Did you go to Jack Black and the scroodaleedoo?
Here are some things I do:
*picture myself in the same place that I am currently in but having a good or non-anxious time.
*make a phone call. if you can't reach someone, even looking at friends phone numbers calms me down. so does old text messages. anything that is a reminder of the non-panic attack me.
*distract yourself with nonsense but nonsense that will keep your brain occupied - a go-to online blog, Facebook, Perezzers, whatevers - just have it set to go.
-The anti-Emeril: kick it down a notch (or ten). we are so hard on ourselves, we stress too much, and no, the anxiety is not because of these things but it can bring one on or make it worse. The best thing I've learned is not to fight myself.
-Don't fight but reason with it. Doesn't work with men but it works with my panic attacks.
xxoo
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