A while back, I blogged about a new therapy I was going to try in order to heal from these debilitating flashbacks and panic attacks, which are common to survivors of any trauma. For those who suffer from PTSD, EMDR (eye movement desensitization and reprocessing)is an amazing therapy I've been going through with my therapist, a licensed EMDR practitioner. Until the blog feature on the STARS site is active, I wanted to let all the survivors (and secondary survivors) know about it.
What is interesting about this therapy is that no one really knows quite how it works and yet the "cure" rate is around 90%. There are no medications involved, no hypnosis, simply a type of talk therapy using lights, sounds and eye movement that apparently reprocesses memories that are "stuck" in the brain.
For more information, go to this site. Be happy and healthy today. Be your own advocate. Ask questions and take charge. You can do it!
11 comments:
liz,
i'm not familiar with this type of therapy, but i sure hope it works for you.
20-plus years of suffering from flashbacks and panic attacks is more than any human being should have to endure.
it's as if beebe had inflicted a "life sentence" on you. as if the assault itself wasn't horrific enough.
let's see: less than six months in jail for the perpetrator vs. 20-plus years of PTSD for the survivor. hmmm. what's wrong with this picture?
mario
Mario:
And you win the gold - that's how precise you are!
Dear Liz,
I am so glad you are finding EMDR helpful to you. While it doesn't fix everything, it was very helpful to me.
I have been reading your blog in the past few days, and one thing that really irritated me is that, why, when someone has been convicted of a felony, which I believe is a standard question on any employment application, how they get employed by an organization that knows nothing about it if they checked yes?
Did he lie on the application to Smoothie King?
At any rate, I still think that all of his apology was less about the 12 steps and more about him making himself feel better.
I don't know a lot about AA, but it seems to me that while I give the organization credit for helping people fight addictions, It should not be an excuse to apologize for a violent crime.
I remember your statement to Eidee Magnus... "I was a drunk, therefore, I raped you."
There are plenty of people on this earth who battle with drugs and alcohol and they do not force themselves upon others.
I feel like there is this cult-like support of him that more or less condones what he did.
And I think that's a real problem. I think that people who suffer from addictions are so consumed with themselves, that they lack the ability to see how their behavior affects other people.
Then they are thrown into this whole "fellowship" program where they just become mechanical about doing whatever it takes to not drink or do drugs.
Again... all about them- not about the other people their illness has affected. It's like they comply with this program to stay sober, and they do what everyone says, regardless of whether they mean it or not.
Personally, I don't feel his apology was really sincere. I think it was all about him completing this so called "AA Step."
liz,
i just wanted to very briefly mention your call-in to the coy barefoot radio show last year: what struck me is how, in less than a year, from the time you received beebe's letter, you had becum a seasoned pro about how the criminal justice system works, particulary with respect to defense motions.
mario
Mario:
How did hear that show? I thought you lived in San Diego!
liz,
your segment of the show is on the internet! when i was researching your story, i came across it!
mario
Hi Liz,
EMDR was the icing on the cake for me after years of processing my history with a therapist.
I did about a year of EMDR & the process opened me up like a "tin of sardines" & rid me of my demons.
The bottom line for me - I had nothing to lose & everything to gain.
I no longer live a life of fear, pain & guilt, but a life of the innocent child.
EMDR took me back to the "chamber of horrors" (my childhood) & Jesus Christ was the one who eventually delivered me.
I, MICKY, AM THE LORD’S LIGHT & SALVATION FOR OTHER PEOPLE.
Michele said..
At any rate, I still think that all of his apology was less about the 12 steps and more about him making himself feel better.
Micky Said:
THE SACRED BULL:
I imagine 12 STEPPERS have sold their souls to the devil. Fortunately, I was saved through the power of Jesus Christ, but for many years had been exposed to the evil “satanic cult” (Alcoholics Anonymous).
Bill Wilson (Co - founder of AA) has prostituted himself & deluded millions (12 Step Groups) by worshipping the god Moloch (Ba’al the Sacred Bull). It all started with his (Wilson) “drug induced hallucination”….
Here are references to seances and other psychic events….
Bill would…”get” these things …long sentences, word by word would come through….” (22)
,he asked for guidance….The words began tumbling out with astonishing speed….(23)
So A.A.’s 12 Steps were actually received verbatim from the demonic world. It is not surprising, then, that the effect of A.A. upon many of its members is to lead them into occult involvement. In 1958, Wilson wrote to Sam Shoemaker,
Throughout A.A., we find a large amount of psychic phenomena, nearly all of it spontaneous. Alcoholic after alcoholic tells me of such experiences… run nearly the full gamut of everything we see in the books.
In addition to my original mystical experience, I’ve had a lot of such phenomenalism myself.(24)
Wilson’s “original mystical experience” was his alleged “conversion” –a classic occult encounter: “Suddenly the room lit up with a great white light.
I was caught up into an ecstasy…it burst upon me that I was a free man…a wonderful feeling of Presence, and I thought to myself, ‘So this is the God of the preachers! ‘ A great peace stole over me….”(25)
This was not the “God of the preachers” but the one who transforms himself “into an angel of light” (2 Cor 1l:l4)-a light that often transforms those involved in the occult.
The experience was so profound that Wilson never touched alcohol again. Satan would he more than willing to deliver a man from alcoholism in this life if thereby he could ensnare him for eternity and inspire him to lead millions to the same destruction!
Wilson joined the Oxford Group and regularly attended its meetings at Calvary Church (NY), pastored by Episcopalian Sam Shoemaker. Shoemaker urged his hearers to “accept God however they might conceive of him….”(26) Here was the origin of Step 3’s “God as we understood him.”
God does not respond to those who call upon false gods. Jesus said, “And this is life eternal, that they might know thee, the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom thou hast sent” (Jn 17:3). God’s judgment comes upon them “that know not God, and that obey not the gospel of our Lord Jesus Christ (2 Thes 1:8).
I will set my face against that man & his family & will cut off from their people both him & all who follow him in prostituting themselves to Molech. I will set my face against the person who turns to mediums & spiritists to prostitute himself by following them, & I will cut him off from his people. (Leviticus 20: 5, 6)
Moloch the God Ba’al, the Sacred Bull, was widely worshipped in the ancient Near East and wherever Carthaginian culture extended. Baal Moloch was conceived under the form of a calf or an ox or depicted as a man with the head of a bull.
Hadad, Baal or simply the King identified the god within his cult. The name Moloch is not the name he was known by among his worshippers, but a Hebrew Moloch (in the Septuagint Greek translation of the Old Testament), or Molech (Hebrew), is no different than the word Melech or king, transformed by interposing the vowels of bosheth or ’shameful thing’. translation. The written form.
He is sometimes also called Milcom in the Old Testament.
I, MICKY, AM THE LORDS LIGHT & SALVATION FOR OTHER PEOPLE.
Wow, Micky, that was an extremely detailed and informative post for many of us.
In a nutshell, however, what do you think about people who commit crimes and then, under the cover of the "9th Step", think it's just fine to make amends their own way without thought of legal consequence, as in my case and, the Paul Cox (Larchmont, NY) murder case?
Thoughts? Love to hear them.
Liz
"Part of you does die."
Dear Liz,
I can emphasize with your process - absolutely horrific.
Oxford group soul surgery techniques called for augmentation of guilt leading to the conversion experience. The alcoholics had learned, through their own conversion, a different method, augmentation of fear with an initial diminution of guilt. “It’s not your fault it’s a disease.
There is nothing you can do about it. You’ll die unless you believe.” When a person was properly convinced & reached a point of proper desperation, guilt was then applied to bring about conversion of God control.
These new groupers [Steppers] were motivated not primarily by guilt, but by fear. The other groupers [Steppers] being god controlled through guilt would use guilt to manipulate others.
Beebe has used guilt (made direct amends) to manipulate you (unconscious) so you will forgive him.
I imagine he has been programmed (BRAINWASHED) by Satanism (AA) & has become an emotionally shutdown, shape - shifting reptile.
Beebe was only thinking of himself (his guilt) & had no regard for your feelings. He "raped" you a second time.
You will be in my prayers, Liz!
I, MICKY, AM THE HOLY ONE OF GOD
SAVED BY GRACE:
Over 3 years ago I dropped into a black hole – four months of absolute terror. I wanted to end my life, but somehow [Holy Spirit], I reached out to a friend who took me to hospital. I had three visits [hospital] in four months – I actually thought I was in hell.
I imagine I was going through some sort of metamorphosis [mental, physical & spiritual]. I had been seeing a therapist [1994] on a regular basis (Family of Origin & EMDR), up until this point in time. I actually thought I would be locked away – but the hospital staffs were very supportive [I had no control over my process]. I was released from hospital 16th September 2004, but my fear, pain & shame had only subsided a little.
I remember this particular morning waking up [home] & my process would start up again [fear, pain, & shame]. No one could help me, not even my therapist [I was terrified]. I asked Jesus Christ to have mercy on me & forgive me my sins. Slowly, all my fear has dissipated & I believe Jesus delivered me from my “psychological prison.”
I am a practicing Catholic & the Holy Spirit is my friend & strength; every day since then has been a joy & blessing. I deserve to go to hell for the life I have led, but Jesus through His sacrifice on the cross, delivered me from my inequities. John 3: 8, John 15: 26, are verses I can relate to, organically.
He’s a real person who is with me all the time. I have so much joy & peace in my life to day - after a childhood spent in orphanages. God loves me so much. Fear, pain & guilt are no longer my constant companions. I just wanted to share my experience with you (Luke 8: 16-17).
http://micky-clontarf.blogspot.com/
I, MICKY, AM THE HOLY ONE OF GOD.
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