Since I don't divulge the names of clients, let's just say Hope and I were lunching with our client, Mrs. P. today. We also know her daughter. They are wonderful, warm, loving and giving people. We were talking about trauma and grief - Mrs. P's daughter lost her husband in 9/11 - he worked at Cantor Fitzgerald. As she told the story of the last loving phone conversation between her daughter and son-in-law (during which he was coughing from the smoke and had made peace with his fate), Hope and I sort of looked at each other and decided it was not at all worth holding back and we cried openly at lunch. Mrs. P then asked gently about my story and we talked about how the anniversaries don't get much easier. They just are. Mrs. P's daughter went on to remarry some years later - she had had a small toddler with her husband who perished. Both children are just divine.
It was like an angel sent to me, to hear this story. We decided that, in her words, "terrible shit happens and we move forward". I couldn't agree more. I was honored to be her lunch companion today.
We also checked out my old apartment building and went to the Whitney (for work, of course, but we also saw the most amazing installation by Rudolf Stingel, an amazing Italian multi-media artist - I urge you all to go see it!)and the Rooftop Gardens at Rockefeller Center. Also work, but a peaceful oasis in the city. So, this was my "birth" day.
Make it count. Every single moment.
6 comments:
Liz,
I assumed that, with the passage of time, these types of anniversaries *did* get easier with each passing year. But, based on what you said, I was obviously mistaken. Clearly I have a lot to learn.
Mario
Mario -
The don't get "easier", per se, according to everyone I speak with, but perhaps they have more meaning and less of the blind grief. So, in a way, yes, easier, but a different kind of emotion - sharper relief but less immediate. In the case of Mrs. P's daughter, it is a worldwide anniversary, so they don't ever ever turn on the television.
I had not thought of mine as forcefully in the intervening years, but the last two years brought it clearly to the frontal lobe of my brain. You know?
Liz,
Of course. Because of Beebe's letter.
Mario
Liz,
I'm glad you're able to keep constant track of Beebe. Between both the registry and his ankle bracelet, you must have tremendous peace of mind for the first time in two years, at least as far as he's concerned!
Mario
Liz,
Thank you for sharing your interview with Dan Abrams. For some reason I didn't even know it was there when I first saw the Katie Couric interview.
I could be wrong, but you seemed more relaxed and talkative with Dan than you did with Katie, and Dan asked some questions that I had always wondered about.
However, I was *utterly shocked* when you told Dan that you *still* somewhat blame yourself about the rape! I couldn't believe it! I realize that interview was done about a year and a half ago, but I hope you now realize that you did absolutely nothing wrong and that you have absolutely nothing to blame yourself for or feel guilty about! It goes without saying that there is *never* an excuse or reason for a man to rape a woman, I don't care how pissed off he feels because the woman rejected his advances! Tough shit! Hell, we've *all* been rejected at least once in our lives (at least speaking for the guys), if not more!
Bottom line: please don't blame yourself or feel guilty about the rape!
Something else that surprised me is when you told Dan that *any* amount of time that Beebe would serve would be satisfy you! Of course, I now know that you no longer feel that way, in that you were understandably and justifiably disappointed in the ridiculously short sentence Beebe got. I'm glad you had a change of heart about that one!
Again, thanx for sharing the interview, and I hope yesterday's "anniversary" wasn't too hard on you.
Take care!
Mario
Mario -
True. Dan is my exact age and we have mutual friends, ergo the ease. He's also quite hilarious and smart and I appreciate that. And he gets riled up easily, like me. He went to Duke from 1984-1988, so he knows the time period and the culture as Duke and UVa are very similar. Also, it was taped. Katie in the morning was live and I was only given a day's notice - they pick you up really early and hustle you into the green room before you're even awake. Plus, she's such an icon and she went to Virginia, so I was nervous. That turned out well - she was lovely and gracious and I can't wait to meet her again.
So many things I said in the beginning have changed due to passage of time and greater knowledge of the legal wringer. I don't look at those pieces because I know I was stepping into a great big unknown - I had no business talking about my story but I had to as there was a responsibility to others to speak out.
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